It has been forever…
I didn’t realize how long it had been since I posted anything here. I still read a lot regarding adoption and from first moms, but I’m just not in a place where I’m wanting to “talk” about it a lot. I don’t know if it is because I’m coming to terms with things somewhat or if I just have to not let myself “dwell” on the emotions that it stirs up. Whatever it is, I read a great post today titled A Letter I Wish I’d Gotten on Grown in my Heart and had to share it. Letters to Mrs. Feverfew linked to it. It is a letter that I could have written almost word for word, although maybe not quite so eloquently.
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While I hate to be contrary…I must say that none of those reasons she mentioned in the article are the reasons I placed my Samantha with her adoptive family. I chose to place her for adoption because I wanted her to have something that I never did, an eternal family. When I dwell on just the temporal reasons (lack of money, my marital status at the time, my age, etc) I do feel those same feelings of betrayal and loss. But I didn’t just choose adoption because I wanted her to have “a better life”, so I find it pointless to act like I did. While knowing that she is sealed to two parents doesn’t alleviate all the pain, it puts my suffering in perspective.
Mother of the Wild Boys said this on August 6, 2011 at 3:14 am
Okay, so I hope I didn’t come off too harsh. And actually, after thinking more about it, I think that letter SHOULD be required reading for all expectant moms considering adoption. If a first mom wants to choose adoption because of ONLY temporal reasons, or feels pressured to place her baby to “fulfill an adoptive couple’s dreams”, or thinks her baby cares about trips to DisneyWorld, then yeah, she deserves to question that choice. And for someone like me, that wanted her baby raised with the blessings of temple covenants, then reading that letter just re-affirms the choice to place.
Mother of the Wild Boys said this on August 6, 2011 at 3:33 am
I didn’t take offense to your first comment at all, we all gave our own experience and opinions. I just felt a ly of those things she mentions, but as to your comment of her having an eternal family, that made it worse, not better for me. It meant that I had lost him forever, not just for this life, and that thought is devastating to me.
Desi said this on August 6, 2011 at 4:11 am
God’s ways are not our ways, and our thoughts are not His thoughts. Just because I am not sealed to either of my parents, does not mean that I will lose them forever. I feel the same when I think of Samantha, I know my relationship with her is not forever lost. In the end, all children are God’s children, they are simply on loan to their earthly parents. I KNOW that all this pain & separation we experience with the children we placed WILL be made right through the Atonement.
Mother of the Wild Boys said this on August 11, 2011 at 4:27 am