How to be insensitive…ha ha ha

•September 12, 2011 • Leave a Comment
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It has been forever…

•August 5, 2011 • 4 Comments

I didn’t realize how long it had been since I posted anything here. I still read a lot regarding adoption and from first moms, but I’m just not in a place where I’m wanting to “talk” about it a lot. I don’t know if it is because I’m coming to terms with things somewhat or if I just have to not let myself “dwell” on the emotions that it stirs up. Whatever it is, I read a great post today titled A Letter I Wish I’d Gotten on Grown in my Heart and had to share it. Letters to Mrs. Feverfew linked to it. It is a letter that I could have written almost word for word, although maybe not quite so eloquently.

Nature vs. Nurture

•February 11, 2010 • 1 Comment

I’m struggling a bit right now with my son’s parents…in particular his mom. She is making it pretty clear that she wants nothing to do with me and that hurts. I don’t want to erase her from his life or take her place, but I do want to forge a relationship with my son and she appears to be trying to sabotage my efforts rather than embracing that I was ever a part of his life. It hurts!

I read this post over at Production not Reproduction and I love her attitude. It shouldn’t have to be an us against them thing and I wish more adoptive parents would realize that!

I’m Legit

•January 28, 2010 • 2 Comments

I\'m Legit

I watched this on another blog and I’m still processing it so I don’t really even have a comment right now, but I wanted to share.

Pedigree

•September 8, 2009 • 1 Comment

I was just in the process of filling out a pedigree chart for my daughter. They are discussing genealogy at Achievement Days (a bi-monthly church activity for 8-11 year old girls) tomorrow night and the girls are supposed to bring dates and stories of family members. So as I was transferring information from an old pedigree chart of mine to make it applicable to her I started to type in the information of one of my great grandfathers when I got to his date of birth, June 26. That is my son’s birthday! This may seem like an insignificant detail, but I love the little connections in family. My youngest daughter’s was born on my maternal grandfather’s birthday and it is just another reason to remember and celebrate family. It was then that I got to my maternal grandmother’s date of death and it hit me like a ton of bricks, July 3, 1990. It was exactly one week after my son was born, the day I went to the courthouse to sign away all parental rights to my child. Notice I didn’t say all rights, just parental rights. No matter what I signed or who raised him, they couldn’t take away my right to love him, care about him, worry about him or even mourn the loss of him. July 3, 1990 was an emotionally crushing day for me and still to this day I feel as though I didn’t mourn for my grandmother the way I should have, the way I would have wanted to, because the grief I felt over the loss of my son was so all encompassing.

Sometimes I hate how all encompassing adoption can be. I hate how some of the most unassuming activities, like filling in a pedigree chart for my daughter, can be an overwhelming reminder to me of the loss of my son. He may never care to know of the insignificant connection he has to my great grandfather because he may never consider my ancestry as his own. And I will always be reminded of not only the loss of a grandmother, but also the very powerful and painful loss of a son every time July 3 makes itself known. Don’t get me wrong, I love reminders of my son. I love that they keep him an ever constant thought in my mind, but I hate how emotionally draining those reminders can to be. Oh how I wish the constant reminders were reminders of happy times and events, but regrettably I never had the opportunity to make many of those. I truly hope that someday I’ll be given the opportunity to have a relationship with him and to create happy memories with him. I want to look at that pedigree chart and not be reminded through seemingly inconsequential dates of a loss too painful to bear, but of my son as an addition, not a loss on my family tree.

Selfish

•July 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2009/07/16/goodman.lok.oldest.mom.cnn

Maybe it’s just me but I think it’s selfish of women to be having children when they are this old. As far as I’m concerned it applies to adoption as well. I have heard countless times in my life how “selfish” it is of a teen mom to keep her child, but I believe it’s just as selfish of a mom in her 50s and 60s to adopt or have children as well. I realize that none of us can predict how long we are going to live, but the chances of your child growing up without a mother are astronomically higher if you are 60 years old when they are born verses being 30. I just don’t think it’s fair to fulfill your needs of being a mother at such an advanced age, when the chances are pretty high that you won’t be able to be the parent they deserve for any number of reasons related to old age. There is a reason why women can’t have children after a certain age. Children are hard work. There is a remarkable difference in my energy levels and everything else between when my first daughter was born (she’s almost 11) and my second (who’s a year and a half). Those nine years took a toll on me and I can feel it and I’m only 35. There is a point at which science and medicine are no longer helpful and I believe this circumstance it right up there. Doesn’t the hypercritic oath state that doctors will do no harm? Well what about the harm that has now been done to those two toddlers who will grow up without their mom…just another way of looking at it.

Sickened

•June 30, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I think as with anyone who is a member of the adoption community I seem to hone in on the word adopted, or adoption or any related word when I see it. I go to CNN.com everyday just to see the latest happenings in the world and an article included the word adopted so I automatically clicked on the link. This is what came up…

Police: Duke University official offered adopted son for sex
WASHINGTON (CNN) — A Duke University official is accused of offering his 5-year-old adopted son for sex on the Internet, according to the FBI and court documents in the case.
Frank M. Lombard, 42, was arrested last week at his home in Durham, North Carolina. During an Internet chat, Lombard allegedly offered the child to the person he was chatting with, who was a task force officer from Washington’s Metropolitan Police, the FBI said in a statement.
The chat was initiated after a confidential source facing child pornography charges told authorities they had witnessed a man, allegedly Lombard, performing sex acts on a child over the Internet.
During the chat, according to the complaint filed against Lombard, he told the officer that he had performed multiple sex acts on the boy and that the officer could do the same if he came to Durham.
According to a transcript of the chat, reprinted in the complaint, Lombard allegedly told the officer that he had to hide the abuse from his partner and that he drugged the child with allergy medication.
Lombard was arrested June 24, and two children at the home, including the 5-year-old, were removed from the home by the North Carolina Department of Social Services, the FBI said.
Lombard is the associate director of Duke University’s Center for Health Policy, but was placed on unpaid administrative leave, effective immediately, last week, university spokesman Keith Lawrence said.
The center is described on its Web site as a joint venture among the university’s law, business and arts-and-sciences schools and “an instigator and facilitator of a broad range of research related to public health and the policies that address it.”
Lombard faces federal child sex abuse charges, which carry a prison sentence of up to 20 years upon conviction, authorities said. He made an initial appearance in federal court in North Carolina but was transferred to Washington to face the charges there, court documents show.
Attempts to contact the Durham attorney who appeared in court with Lombard were unsuccessful Tuesday.
Federal agents seized Lombard’s computer, thumb drives, Web cams and other items when executing a search warrant upon Lombard’s arrest, according to court documents.

Child abuse in any sense of the word makes me physically ill, literally, but somehow if it’s even possible this is even more despicable…there is a birth mother out there who placed her child for adoption believing it was in his best interest, believing that someone could do a better job than her, only to have his life destroyed by this sick bastard! This makes me angry and hurt and devastated all at the same time. In my opinion there are times that God’s judgment can’t come soon enough…somedays I would really like to take justice into my own hands!